It’s Permission…Why Online Communities Feel So Real
It’s Permission…Why Online Communities Feel So Real
Have you ever noticed how “we” can be one person at work or school, another with your family, and someone completely different in your online community? It’s not that you’re being fake—you’re just finally being allowed to be yourself.
Here’s something that might sound backwards: Communities attract people by giving them permission to EXPRESS parts of themselves they’ve been intentionally or otherwise not sharing everywhere else.
Your Whole Self
Think about your day-to-day life. At work or school, you might tone down your unusual hobbies, interests or anything that might be too controversial. Around certain friends, you might hide your ambitious side because it feels too intense. With family, you might keep your political views to yourself to avoid drama. We’re constantly editing ourselves to fit into social situations that weren’t designed for our full self.
The optimal community accepts you as your whole self.
In a photography community, your obsession with getting the perfect shot isn’t neurotic. It’s dedication. In a financial independence forum, your frugal lifestyle isn’t cheap. It’s strategic. In a gaming community, your detailed knowledge of character builds isn’t nerdy. It’s expertise.
The optimal community accepts you as your whole self.
In a photography community, your obsession with getting the perfect shot isn’t neurotic. It’s dedication. In a financial independence forum, your frugal lifestyle isn’t cheap. It’s strategic. In a gaming community, your detailed knowledge of character builds isn’t nerdy. It’s expertise.
Why This Feels More “Real”
I’ve talked to hundreds of people who say their online communities feel more authentic than their offline relationships. At first, this seemed impossible. How can people you will probably never meet know you better and accept you more than people who see your face regularly?
The answer is permission.
Your online communities give you permission to:
The answer is permission.
Your online communities give you permission to:
- Care deeply about things others don’t understand or appreciate
- Express opinions you’d never voice with others that might judge you
- Ask questions that might be controversial in professional or academic settings
- Share victories that would sound like bragging elsewhere
- Admit struggles that feel too vulnerable for academic or business conversation
The Real You, Finally
These communities become spaces where different parts of your personality come alive. You get to test drive versions of yourself that might not fly in your regular social circles. The shy person discovers they’re actually quite witty in the right environment. The people-pleaser finds their argumentative side in a debate forum. The drone unleashes their creative spirit in the community.
These aren’t your alternate personalities. They’re facets of your real self that finally have a space to breathe.
These aren’t your alternate personalities. They’re facets of your real self that finally have a space to breathe.
The Real Secret
The optimal online communities can feel more real than the in-person ones. They help us become more real, period. When we find spaces where parts of ourselves are not just accepted but celebrated, we start carrying that permission with us everywhere else.
The best communities aren’t escape hatches from real life. They’re training grounds for bringing more of our authentic selves into more and more parts of our lives.
Sometimes the most real version of yourself is the one that only comes out when you finally give permission to let it. Have you ever noticed how “we” can be one person at work or school, another with your family, and someone completely different in your online community? It’s not that you’re being fake, you’re just finally being allowed to be yourself.
The best communities aren’t escape hatches from real life. They’re training grounds for bringing more of our authentic selves into more and more parts of our lives.
Sometimes the most real version of yourself is the one that only comes out when you finally give permission to let it. Have you ever noticed how “we” can be one person at work or school, another with your family, and someone completely different in your online community? It’s not that you’re being fake, you’re just finally being allowed to be yourself.
Diane is the Founder of Impartial. Through her own unfortunate prosecution, Diane learned firsthand what the US criminal justice system is. She shares information, stories and possibilities about what our criminal justice is and could be.
